My current place of residence is a townhouse. This implies we’re attached to other people but should also imply that we’re surrounded by like-living individuals; as in, there are other townhouse complexes around me. The arrangement of this particular townhouse neighborhood is such that our buildings are ass-to-ass, separated by a common driveway; the same goes in the front except that we are separated by some grass and a sidewalk.
Something really special about this neighborhood are my immediate, but divided neighbors. I say special because they truly are a special breed of person … Let’s take a for instance,
BLAH BLAH BLAH AAAAAGGGGGHHHH. I’M A LITTLE KID AND I LIKE TO YELL A LOT!
Or something very similar to that was being yelled by the two little child gremlins. I’m pretty certain they have some sort of brain parasite that is pressing really friggin’ hard on the loud wrinkle of their brain. Or maybe not.
“Why?” Because this is what I heard next,
STOP FUCKING YELLING!
“Who said that?” Dad did. Really classy, Dad.
So, to stop the children from yelling he decided yelling at them was the appropriate action. A double negative; one yell negates another, thus eliminating any yell from the cosmic sound recorder … with a buffered delay.
But wait, what you don’t know is where Dad was in relation to the kids. The kids were in their driveway just behind their house. Dad was a knight’s move away in a neighbor’s driveway.
“What was he doing there?” Partying with the neighbors.
What were they doing? Drinking, playing bags, watching the Stanley Cup, and … oh yeah … yelling a whole fucking lot.
I’m a dad, so I’ll admit a couple of things. One, kids have an innate ability to make brain piercing sounds … and then laugh about it because they know it’s annoying and loud, but I guess that’s what’s funny to them.
HA HA HA HA! I’M A KID! LISTEN TO THIS REALLY FUNNY, EAR BONE CRUNCHING SOUND I CAN MAKE WITH THIS STICK AND THIS PAN AND THIS CONCRETE DRIVEWAY! WHAM WHAM WHAM! AAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH IT’S SO FUNNY!
So if you’re blood pressure is already up, then any sound might blow your top. Two, being a hypocrite is part of being human. You make mistakes and then teach your children not to be as stupid as you. But, teaching your kids not to make a mistake by showing them how bad their mistake was with their own mistake … big fail. And this, in my opinion, is the American Hypocrisy.
We do this everywhere. In school, in government, in religion (if you ask me, and I don’t give a shit because I’m a Knowldenist), in diplomacy. I don’t just mean the blatant hypocrisy of building and maintaining nuclear weapons, but something more low-level than that. As a nation, we do unto others as we want to do; then we put one finger in each ear and declare “La la la la la la la la!” And if you have the right amount of power, there’s no reason you need to pull your fingers out of your ears and scrape the wax off.
